Social beering

Drinking beer has begun to be a luxurious trait to me. Pricey places such as Karen establishments which I recently visited worked greatly on the new developed attitude (besides what was I expecting from Karen). Am now on the hard liquor campaign, since it is all about quantity and getting to cloud 9 efficiently. The prestigious country club members in movies are usually scotch drinkers. Straight up! In my case is to get straight up high.

Wouldn’t it beneficial to spend a 500bob between four people and just buy a full bottle (recently learn t there are establishments you can buy half the bottle) of Smirnoff and Red up your night rather than spend 800bob on 4 beers and start staring at guys with the full bottle of Smirnoff on their table and go like “dawn those guys are baked”.   

Hence the luxurious point of drinking beer.

Those on sobriety lifestyle have a considerably easy time although bottled water has become big business too. From Dasani to H2O and recently came across ‘KIU BASTA’. I tell you I can not make this shit up. If I was the sober type I would have a tough time, Kieringet seems to be water from the mountains (mountain of taps may be), Homeboyz a radio station have their own water so may be I can get a music buzz after drinking. Which would really be beneficial when am out if you think about it. Dasani have Coca Cola backing them up so decision decisions. Tough pick sober people.

Back to beer buying, from my inquiries there are places which accommodate those who are much better of in their wallets and earning tax payer money. They serve beer at 300 hundred. Really. I wonder if ‘Yokozuna’ was to be served at such a place how much would they inflate it to since from the stories I have heard, aside from making people blind, if you give a 20shilling coin you have grounds to ask for change. (How do they even count it because those guys who dink it either stagger home or are dead weight in a ditch. Would pocket change survive one or both of that or do they drink on tabs?)keeping in mind the drink is named after this guy.......

People in relationships have it even much harder or easier depending which side you looking from. Being a gentleman, I think it’s fair to take care of your woman. So when ever a couple goes out, the person wearing trousers (since the skirts and short shot are no place to keep money) would foot the bill.

I recently got insight that when in a relationship, you have to think in TWO’s. If I do this what will he-she say? If I drink this will WE have enough to get home and what not. The singles out there are all about the ‘I’ and give the rest of the vowels back- in Lil Wayne words. They don’t have the pressure of thinking about someone when they are out and as for the vowels, they use them while silver tonguing a prey.

I really think those in relationships are on a mature streak and I very much respect their decisions since it bears a lot of responsibility. Budgeting for one’s self is challenging enough so when it’s for TWO you can only imagine the headaches. Salute!!!!

The recession is something to factor in and I just have to pin point the elephant in the country, the shilling depreciating is scary. Having been to Uganda, their currency is really a headache just as Europeans finds our currency confusing now what will be the case.

Matatu fare hiking up because of fuel costs, those who ‘Jav’ know that when that happens they never go back down. Its protocol just as getting a degree in Kenya and probably someone will not get a job in the line of study.(congrats to ISC graduates and anyone else whose graduated this year).

It should be protocol though to follow the EABL campaign “Friends do not let friends drink and drive”, but in our case, if someone is your friend you should know their limit and have each others back. ‘Hangover’-style of drinking and getting messed is too teenager-ish for me I think. Drinking until I can’t remember what happened and puking am sorry but I don’t experiencing any fun in that may be laughing at a friend and taking tweet pics. The victim never enjoys (gag reflex thinking of someone aki Njoroge Mwaura)

On a lighter note, looking at each others back (not just ladies lower back) means watching the type of crowd they would be trying to have fun with. During the weekend did not have a companion but a teammate had a ‘girl- friend’ (notice the hyphen, not sure she was a girl). To be fair she had a missing tooth like Mahtma, shaggy unkempt hair if I go to the clothes it would be waste of writing space.

Witnessing that I came up with my own slogan, ‘Friends do not let friends drink and make flirting decisions alone’. I called him to the side while there wasn’t any explanation that would absolve the situation rather than being totally drunk. Shock on me, he did and would never have guessed it. Turns out they meet on 2go and it was their first meet. She had an attractive picture. (clearly not hers) I thought the app died years ago, and she was so excited throwing her self at him. Calling him ‘Hun’ and dancing all over him. I was scared for the guy.

So I would rather stick to luxurious beer drinking, meet people the old fashioned way than such a surprise.cheers!!!!

Good weekend bloggerz. Scodosh!!!!

Fashion-ista

On consecutively weekends I have been to occasions out of my comfort zone. Thanks to the only person I have an affiliation to who drinks Heineken and is a model too, not easy to come across one of those by the way. Sunday morning plotless hangoverless my Mum decides to tell me she will be having chamaa guests and that's always my heads up to be away and gone from the estate leave alone the house.

I get an invite to a Nairobi fashion market, I must be honest been to one of those and dressing down is not an option. Someone might not think it's important but don't let those white guys fool you; trust because other guys will be at their top. Those with light skin don't have to try, hell they walk in town in Bata sandals or gumboots and get away with it. Their completion gives a notion they are tourist hence pockets piled with Mulla which is not usually the case.

Other guys were in jackets, while the sun was so up there, but they were fashionable. Not sure how they held the sweating in control. Some woman had a hideous head thing(generous adjective) since I can't call it a hat but much later I stumbled upon the knowledge that she was a model, but check out the hat. So many questions what advertising strategy they were using, and I have studied advertising. 

Anyway being a bright day I decide white, looking sharp I met a lady I fancy(speaking like a true Paddy right there and sad their world cup campaign came to a halt at the hands of Wales). Big Phew! Since am usually in training gear mildly sweaty or sweaty. Itњs important though to look trimmed. Guys like 'Thorњ and the 'Khalisi' guy from 'Game of Thrones' are setting such high standards. Dawn it! How do you look like that while on Ugali, Sukuma wiki,Kunde the normal, am doomed while trying to look half as good body structured as them being the SI unit.

 

Looking fresh and clean (like I said in white, it does wonders) I get to chat and off to meet my Heineken drinking model friend. I get there and realize without her am a lost sheep. Seeing some people with their dogs was one of my first signs but at least the Dj kept me entertained with some Nigerian and afro-neo soul (thank you homeboyz radio on Sunday morning). Roaming in the market blindly I realize even if I had the money I couldn't even ogle at anything other than some really beautiful women and dreadlocks. Make up which I know nothing about, weaves apparently on sale, what would I want fake hair for leave alone on someone's head really? Jewelry, shoes dresses and what I came to understand Aladdin pants (which I think look good but was advised they are good for women without a large lower back but I liked them).

 In short a lot of women stuff but if you are a in a category of guys who takes such as relevant then that is your place. Categories I am speaking about which some guy to guy advice from GQ, you should not use them lightly. They are;

Metro sexual- straight guy with lifestyle sensibilities of a gay man; goes to spas, waxes his chest and what not. 

Retro sexual-a straight guy who likes manly things (but get this) doesnњt go to spas or waxes any of his hair (any of his hair is highlighted to give the retro sense.thats a cave man in my opinion

Fauxfag: dodgy straight guy who pretends to be gay in order to get in with girls who are out of his league( who does that seriously maybe Barney Stinson who unfortunately is gay).

Enough of guys I think, its messing with my head writing the word with a 'G' too much (shaking head to snap out of dizziness). Women front-

Celesbians: I think some local artist would fall in this category.

Lesbifeign: straight girls who kisses other straight girls in public in order to attract attention. (Hmmm!!!! shaking head in approval, always a show).

Having a close open lesbian friend, I respect and find them really cool only they are major competition when both men and lesbian women-men are on the hunt. They have an added advantage and swag, I know because there was one at the fashion market and I can't compete with her-he for real.

Back to the fashion market, they had a fashion show with designers who looked so much better than some of the models. They should given my girl a go but that a fashion politics, not too good with any kind of politics.

 The male models I must say(being a journalist I shouldn't have any bias)were impressive and I can say this because the table I was seated, I had to literally compete for the ladies attention and I lost keeping in mind I was in white. Kanga culture wear were on display and Rift valley leather show cased their products which were very fashionable and new, but I can speak for myself. The crowd though seemed in approval though.

Going back to a statement I made earlier, it's not a coincidence as I mentioned that you would find me trainer pants most of the time. During morning runs I get to see white guys on a jog mostly. Maybe I live near a good neighborhood and other Kenyan guys have good genes but after watching 'Crazy Stupid Love'( Great movie by the way) I want to get curved up. When you look good you feel god and become more productive plus I would want a lady to go like the chic (the letter 'A') went when I remove my shirt. 'its like your photo shopped or OMG' would do just fine for me.

When you get ribbed I bet someone looks or walks by a mirror, flexing and going 'BANG' imaginary guns from the hoslter.

 Definitely not facebook or twitter photos, thatњs just shaddy. Keep the shaddy private though, you and the mirror please.

Learnt something though Roberto Cavali and I gat shity luck, but that goes for everyone I sat next to, we dint win the ruffle or a gift bag.

I would like to thank Angie for her phone that aided me to get some of the photo for free since some chic actual want to sell me photoz. What a capitalistic time we are living. L8r bloggers. Scodosh!!!!

Classical

Week leading to the Classical fusion weekend( hence title of today’s blog)which had been populated by the confirmation hearing at the Hague on normal transmission on T.V. which by the way to me is a hostile takeover especially for those of us who don’t have privilege of a whatever decoder, there is a variety this days. At least they should have the decency to bring some interesting law like the one in states or rather what we see on T.V, example of good lawyering up like ‘Boston legal’ or my new found lawyer season ‘SUITS’. Awesome!!! (Shirking voice)

Best thing about it, they have some amazing referencing to some classical movies that I really need to burst open my archive and watch, e.g. Casablanca. 

When was the last time you heard of such a word.

Anyway enough of digressing, the band which was to play for classical fusion have a long word that I will not write yet because it took me a whole day to cram. Am not slow but I will tell you the reason why just bear with me. The organizers had some high profile concerts in coast and Arboretum which were too pricey for me. During the week, that was the advert that got my ear apart from the Carbo snoop, Eve and Shaggy concert which I was definitely not going.

Am not a much of a concert fan, the crowd, getting stepped on, squinting to get a glimpse of someone who won’t see me, people shouting in your ear, others singing the chorus with all their lung power, (from the above it is clear I am not a front of the crowd person) and most importantly I just dint have the Mulla. On that note Camp Mulla are just rocking my ear drums, all give credit where its due.

Back to point, I avoided all that and instead my Saturday saw me heading to Skylux and bid a friend of mine farewell Nelz Zlen (I will miss you). Westland’s is just not the same thing any time before 11 o’clock. The place was so empty I don’t think even if I would be high anything would have change. I would have probably slept on the white couches imagining am home.

I head home and Sunday morning I am up by 8:00. I get the best idea, classical fusion concert at impala grounds. I turn the radio on, its Afro fusion on Homeboyz radio, and a definite sign that the concert idea is amazing. I phone my friend Robin PiK(true story and he introduced me to Robin Thicke’s music) convince him we should head there because this coming weekend it’s his birthday.

Happy birthday bro in advance, so pre birthdays bash. He agrees. So far things falling into place.

 Remember, cricket in the pocket but I had heard that there were sold out student going cheap. I convince myself there has to be more so I would just have to get there early. Booming on the Afro fusion show, I burst out my linen pants, I mean where else would I get the opportunity to wear them and not look like a show off.

Several hours later, I have wine in hand and several confirmed friends with more wine a cake. (Smiling on realization how things fell to place).

I get at the entrance; there is a small line for students paying a reasonable entrance fee. I get rid of my crickets in the pocket and just leave darkness.

When I get inside, I don’t have a way to describe in words but people were elegantly dress, sun dress, and stunners. Whoa!! So beautiful. Umbrella’s were the prescribed accessories.

People came so prepared with vikapu of food and drinks. The sun was blazing hot though so when we laid down our leso and sat, I immediately started sweating. Then I had an epiphany. Why sit, so many lovely ladies to look at and I will probably not have a chance to ogle any time soon.

Poured myself a glace and went roaming. No regrets it was such a beautiful scene. The musical ambiance made it even greater.

Big screens on the side helped those visually impaired and those like me who don’t like struggling to look at the stage much easier. (Notice I am eliminating the demerits of concerts that I had mentioned earlier)

The band that took me forever to cram their name (thanks to some hot wine, am not making this up it was a hot day).

Ladysmith Black Mambazo (that’s one word like a pimp named slik back) - it can’t be helped it was my first time I heard of them and probably majority of the people there too. Meaning there was minimum chorus singing people. But they had some serious dancing co-ordination.

Jazzinfolk left a lasting impression for, am even thinking of getting some guitar lessons. Amazing talent was show cased at the concert. 

Then our very own ‘Sauti Soul’ took to the stage and electrified the audience including me. ‘Coming Home’ being their first performance and as the wind down with dancing to the song ‘Blue Uniform’( certainly hope am getting it right because wine, red label and some Jack were running in my system thanks to Wangai).

The whole time though I was a true fun singing to most of the words if not all. Epic moment was when Ladysmith Black Mambazo and Sauti Soul did a combination.

Note this whole time I wasn’t stepped or trampled on but bizarre, we had a lot of cake for a pre birthday. Kamau who organized for the cake, in the photo’s it like he was just waiting to eat the whole time. He has some glassy hungry eyes which I can’t put my two sense to figure out.(Only guy in the photo)

Down side, pollution with guys littering plastic cups and bags was a scary part for me, not entirely peoples faults because there were no bins. Then people in school uniform esp. the red black and blue shorts, eye sore. But with over 12,000 people, there was variety to look at I assure you.

Jesus feed 10,000 people, I couldn’t grip the multitude of people by imagination, and then I just stood somewhere and glanced at the crowd, it was truly a miracle, the concert included. It was such an extensive crowd that you would be sitting next to a ‘celebrity’ (include air quotes insisted) and look just as glamorous.

None the less, food, drinks, friends, CAKE, Ladysmith Black Mambazo (can’t get enough of the name esp. after getting it right) and Sauti Soul. It was such a beautiful day. 

Scodosh.......bloggerz.